Pathetic and Selfish

OK, I am about to have a pathetic, selfish stupid rant.  If you don’t like it, don’t read it and especially don’t bother commenting because the mood I’m in won’t have me replying nicely.

 

I’m so f***in annoyed (which makes me stressed too might I add).  My boys today at school had this thing where you can donate $1 (I don’t know what for) and you can wear rainbow clothing.  Now once we get to school and I see all these kids wearing different clothes (not uniform) I say is it a no uniform day and Mr 9 says “yeah, you pay a dollar and you can wear…”  (I’m not sure he finished the sentence out loud).  I said, “I didn’t know” (which at that point I didn’t), “Why didn’t you tell me?”  Mr 9 says “I didn’t remember”  And there’s no chance that Mr 6 would remember, he doesn’t remember what he did in the morning when it’s lunch time.  At this point I start to think to myself, I vaguely remember either this being mentioned, or perhaps I read it at the p&f meeting in the Junior Principal’s report.  This week has been just a write off.  I’m so tired it’s not even comprehendable.  I went to do a sleep study to try and find out the problem for the not sleeping situation, which of course only made me tireder this week because who can sleep well with those things attached to you.

So what I am ranting about is I am so annoyed at being tired and exhausted.  I’m forgetting things, my housework isn’t getting done (I mean my house looks like a bomb hit it….no really it does), most nights I struggle to cook tea.  This tiredness has been going on for years. but has gotten worse the past year.  Just yesterday I was thinking about the fact I have to write everything down, or use my voice recorder and then write it down because I keep forgetting things.  I can’t function properly.  Yesterday I was so tired I wandered around the shopping centre and just wanted to buy things because I shop when I am stressed, I did buy things, it made me feel a bit better lol, I wanted to buy more but refrained.  I try to just encourage myself to just keep going, ignore the tiredness, play at the park, wash the dishes, wash the clothes, do homework with the boys etc etc but it’s such a struggle.

Things I am doing to combat the tiredness:

I’m trying to lose some weight because sometimes that can be a factor in a lot of things including snoring which cause bad sleep……you have to do some exercise for that to work well…there is not energy for that, only willpower and being tired makes that difficult to find.

I’ve already cut out coke from my diet.

I’m going to try not to play the computer or on my phone before going to bed, because apparently this can stop you from releasing melatonin which helps you sleep, 2nd night was last night, 2 nights in a row I read a book before bed (although the book is stressing me out it’s called Punished by Vanessa Steel and I can’t believe people were and still can be so cruel to children).

Then of course I’m seeing a sleep specialist, I’ve done the sleep study, so I go back in 2 weeks to see if there is anything I can do to change it (my sleep pattern).

Also am going to spring clean our room to make it less cluttered and more sleep friendly (hey I’m willing to try anything at this point!)

The reason I called this post pathetic and selfish is not because I don’t think it’s a problem but because it is selfish to sit in my home out of the cold with food and electricity and gas and water and a shower and clothes and a bed and healthy kids and a husband who has a job and whine because I’m tired.  I feel like an idiot.  But I’m annoyed so I thought if I write it down, that might help get rid of the annoyed and get up and get going…..and help me get back to feeling grateful, which is what I am normally.

 

That’s about it.

 

(PS this was written about a week ago but wordpress decided to play up, so I’m just publishing it now)

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